I had an interesting session today, it was with a woman that had some interesting thoughts around her childlessness.
The woman is longing for a child has been through years of fertility treatment. She has been a patient at different IVF clinics around the world and tried treatment with her own eggs and also egg donation treatment. She will soon be 49 years old and has not yet reached her goal of a child.
She seems positive, hopeful and calm during our session. I asked her; how do you keep your hope up after all these years with so many failed attempts at trying to get pregnant?
She looked at me and said:
There is no reason to stress, everything that will happen to me is already written in my book of destiny
She believed that if she did her best and the clinics did their best then that was enough. Her destiny was already written, if she will become a mother, or not is already decided, this is what she believes and this is her faith, so she just needs to stay calm and patient and wait to see what her destiny will bring her.
She was calm and clear when she said:
If I don’t get pregnant that is my destiny, but I will know with peace in my heart that I have tried every alternative there is to get pregnant, so there is nothing more I can to do than that “The book of destiny”
After our session, I wrote this sentence down on a piece of paper beside my computer. I liked the sound of the sentence, I liked the way that having faith in destiny was helping this woman to find a meaning, inner peace and hope related to her situation.
Patients have different faiths and beliefs when it comes to whom will affect the outcome of the fertility treatment. Some patients believe in God, some belief in destiny, some belief in the clinic and some only believe in themselves!
Maybe the result of egg donation or double donation treatment has nothing to do with faith, nothing to do with destiny, or God?
What we do know is that all the preparations before an attempt will increase our chances to get pregnant. After transfer, it`s up to nature, god, or destiny - depending on what the patients believe in.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to what a patient should or not should believe in.
So by finding your own way of thinking will give you hope, inner peace and acceptance of the fact that you alone cannot affect the outcome. You are doing your best!
Good luck!
Family counselor
Tone Bråten
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