I had a session with a very happy woman last week. She told me that she was 8 months pregnant after egg donation treatment. She has a son that is 3 years old and soon he will have a sister. I have talked to this woman before, I had talked to her before she got pregnant through egg donation and she was asking lots of questions about ethical issues relating to egg donation. The woman was afraid that it would be difficult for her to bond with a child that was not genetically hers.
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This is an issue that I often talk about with patients who plan egg donation. When a patient gets pregnant after egg donation treatment they suddenly need to change their mindset. They need time to really understand and believe that they are actually pregnant. They need time to process their thoughts and feelings relating to the ethical part of being pregnant through egg donation, they need time and help so as to stop being afraid of losing their child.
So how long does it take to feel more positive, happier and really feel a bond to their child after egg donation treatment?
I can see that these miracles happen when their tummy starts to grow and when the woman can feel her child inside her. Then the woman feels calmer, happier and more convinced that she is actually pregnant, she starts to feel that she already has a bond with her unborn child!
The woman I talked to last week, was not afraid anymore, she was happy and talked about how she felt about the child growing inside of her and how it was her child., no one else’s!
I asked her if she could write me some sentences about how she has experienced her pregnancy and she told me that she wanted to do that so that she could help other women who are afraid of becoming pregnant through egg donation. She told me that she was also writing letters to her unborn child, so would also like to write her words to me in the form of a letter.
Here you can read her words:
Dear daughter, you are a very wanted child.
We went to St. Petersburg and borrowed a magical egg.
St. Petersburg was a special experience! We had a vacation and at the same time, we made you out of a magical egg and the sperm from your father. You were transferred into my stomach so that I could take care of you and give you a lot of love. Many times I have thought about whether I am able to give you as much love as I give to your brother. I love him so much; all the way to the moon and back! I also now love you that much and my love for you is growing every day.The first three months of my pregnancy I was afraid of losing you and I was looking for symptoms every day that could confirm that I actually was pregnant. Only your father, three good friends and I knew about how you were made and put on my tummy. I wanted to tell the whole world that you were growing inside me, but we wanted to wait until we were sure that the critical months were over.
It was a relief to finally tell your brother about you, he was so happy that you are growing inside my tummy and he is really happy and looking forward to being your big brother. Our friends and family were also very happy when we finally told them about you!
I have had a wonderful pregnancy, but before my pregnancy and before I could feel you in my tummy I was afraid of not being able to bond with you. Luckily my bonding to you happened pretty fast, it happened when I felt you inside my tummy for the first time! I felt bubbles, bubbles of happiness inside my tummy. Soon I felt that you were moving, hiccupping and kicking. The more I felt you inside of me the more my love for you grew stronger — you are a part of me!
When I take a swim you move.
When I cry you jump around.
When I lay down to relax you jump around inside my tummy
My love for you still grows.
Now it is only 2 months left till you are here with your family and we are so looking forward to seeing you!
From your mother that loves you!
(A woman, 44 years old from Denmark)
I hope this letter will help patients to deal with some of the ethical and the emotional part of egg donation treatment and relate to the first months of pregnancy.
We need to trust in our motherly instinct and trust that our feelings that relate to our child will develop even though we may need a little help from a magical egg :)
Tone Bråten
Would you like to talk to egg donation mothers who have experienced the same feelings before?
Please take 2 min to fill in the form and we get back to you with contacts of our patients willing to talk to you
Get in contact with parents through egg donation
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