{"id":21614,"date":"2017-05-31T18:37:04","date_gmt":"2017-05-31T18:37:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/olgafertilityclinic.com\/?p=21614"},"modified":"2024-12-25T10:19:12","modified_gmt":"2024-12-25T10:19:12","slug":"failed-embryo-adoption","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/olgafertilityclinic.com\/en\/infertility-blog\/failed-embryo-adoption\/","title":{"rendered":"Failed embryo adoption: a motivating session"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>She called me, she told me that&nbsp;she felt her life was falling apart as&nbsp;she had just found out that&nbsp;her first embryo adoption\u00a0attempt had failed.<\/p>\n<p>I talked to her on&nbsp;the phone, I have known her for&nbsp;a long time, she is 45 years old and&nbsp;desperately wants to become a mother, she will sacrifice everything to get that&nbsp;moment \u2014 the first moment with her newborn baby, that&nbsp;moment when&nbsp;she can call herself a mother. She and&nbsp;her husband have had several sessions with me, they have been through an emotional rollercoaster during their 4 years of <strong>fertility treatments<\/strong>. First, they tried <strong>IVF<\/strong> with her own eggs and&nbsp;<strong>donor sperm<\/strong> (his sperm did not have good enough quality) but, she didn\u2019t get pregnant. Then she wanted to try <strong>egg and\u00a0sperm donation<\/strong>, her husband was not willing to try this because&nbsp;he felt they would end up with a child they didn\u2019t have any genetic connection to. She wanted to continue treatment and&nbsp;would not let his ethical limits destroy her only chance to become a mother.<\/p>\n<p><strong>She left him.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When&nbsp;I talked to her on&nbsp;the phone she tells me that&nbsp;she cannot believe she has just had a negative pregnancy test, she was so&nbsp;sure that&nbsp;she was pregnant! She had been positive, taken all the medication that&nbsp;was in&nbsp;her treatment plan, stayed calm after&nbsp;transfer and&nbsp;the ultrasounds before&nbsp;the transfer showed an excellent lining in&nbsp;her uterus \u2014 ready for&nbsp;an embryo to attach, and&nbsp;now; nothing!<\/p>\n<p>It has been two days since&nbsp;she took the test and&nbsp;since then she has googled everything that&nbsp;might have been wrong, wrong with her!\u00a0 She blames herself for&nbsp;the failed attempt like so&nbsp;many other women do. She also has regrets; she had the opportunity to transfer two embryos, on&nbsp;one hand, she really wanted to transfer two embryos to increase her chances, but, on&nbsp;the other hand, she would not let herself, or&nbsp;her babies go through a pregnancy with a lot of risk factors.<\/p>\n<h2>She needs help, and&nbsp;this is what I told her:<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>How can you google looking for&nbsp;answers when&nbsp;no other person in&nbsp;this world has the same body as&nbsp;you and&nbsp;no other person has transferred the same embryo you have?<\/li>\n<li>You are not that&nbsp;fertile that&nbsp;you can get pregnant every month \u2014 we make it sound as&nbsp;if&nbsp;it is a problem that&nbsp;we need to try one more time, but&nbsp;that is normal. It is also normal for&nbsp;a young couple, which&nbsp;tries by themselves to get pregnant, to try for&nbsp;more than&nbsp;one month to get pregnant!<\/li>\n<li>Be proud of everything you have done to become a mother!\u00a0 I am impressed that&nbsp;you are strong enough to do all this on&nbsp;your own \u2014 what a story to tell your child!<\/li>\n<li>I ask her to read about the risks in&nbsp;a twin pregnancy \u2014 she did. Then I asked her: is this the reason why&nbsp;you didn\u2019t want to transfer two embryos? she says:\u201d yes\u201d so&nbsp;if you had the chance to <strong>transfer two embryos<\/strong> again would you do it?\u00a0 She answers \u201cno\u201d, then I ask her \u2014 why&nbsp;do you regret your choice then?<\/li>\n<li>Is there anything that&nbsp;you think you could have done differently during this attempt? she says; \u201cno\u201d<\/li>\n<li>I tell her: you are not a <a href=\"https:\/\/eggdonorideas.com\/en\/team\/\"><strong>fertility specialist<\/strong><\/a> and&nbsp;you are not a fertility nurse; how about leaving the responsibility for&nbsp;the next attempt to the people that&nbsp;know how to increase your chances \u2014 people that&nbsp;will do their best for&nbsp;you to finally reach your end goal.<\/li>\n<li>I tell her: Do you know that&nbsp;when it comes to failed attempts 80 percent is due to the embryo and&nbsp;only 20 percent is because&nbsp;of the woman \u2014 so&nbsp;most likely it is finding the <strong>perfect embryo<\/strong>!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I can hear that&nbsp;she is starting to get more positive, motivated and&nbsp;inspired. She starts to think ahead and&nbsp;promises to stop googling for&nbsp;answers and&nbsp;to stop blaming herself. I ask her if&nbsp;she knows anyone around her that&nbsp;is proud of her and&nbsp;that she can talk to? She tells me that&nbsp;she has a friend she can talk to, I motivate her to talk to this friend as&nbsp;she is worried that&nbsp;her parents would only be concerned if&nbsp;she talks to them.<\/p>\n<p>I knew that&nbsp;this woman would continue to blame herself, continue to google for&nbsp;answers, continue to regret not <strong>transferring two embryos<\/strong> if&nbsp;it wasn\u2019t for&nbsp;our session and&nbsp;that is why&nbsp;I have chosen to share this session with you!<\/p>\n<p>You might have some similar thoughts and&nbsp;feelings as&nbsp;my dear patients in&nbsp;this blog text and&nbsp;some of my advice will help you \u2014 I really hope so!<\/p>\n<p class=\"accent3\">We wish you the best of luck!<br \/>\nTone Br\u00e5ten<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>She called me, she told me that she felt her life was falling apart as she had just found out that her first embryo adoption\u00a0attempt had failed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":21478,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[118],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v18.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Failed embryo adoption: a motivating session - O.L.G.A. 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