{"id":21689,"date":"2016-09-13T06:23:55","date_gmt":"2016-09-13T06:23:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/olgafertilityclinic.com\/?p=21689"},"modified":"2025-01-10T13:52:55","modified_gmt":"2025-01-10T13:52:55","slug":"change-each-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/olgafertilityclinic.com\/en\/infertility-blog\/change-each-other\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You trying to change each other?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As&nbsp;a counselor, I work a lot with couples. Couples that&nbsp;find themselves in&nbsp;a situation that&nbsp;they really didn&#8217;t expect to be in. Suddenly they need to make decisions that&nbsp;can disturb their values, their inner peace and&nbsp;the respect for&nbsp;each other.\u00a0 I experience a big difference between the man and&nbsp;the woman when&nbsp;it comes to handling a stressful situation.<\/p>\n<p>Many of the couples I have talked to have experienced several failed IVF attempts. I use a lot of time to normalize the differences between the man and&nbsp;the women when&nbsp;it comes to processing their feelings, their individual needs for&nbsp;support and&nbsp;understanding in&nbsp;a stressful situation.<\/p>\n<p>What I experience is that&nbsp;one of the most common reasons for&nbsp;an argument is that&nbsp;we try to change our partner to feel and&nbsp;think of ourselves.<\/p>\n<div class=\"incut\">\u00a0<\/div>\n<p><strong>I will now&nbsp;try to show you some normal differences between how a man and&nbsp;a woman can react after&nbsp;a failed attempt:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A woman is grieving because&nbsp;she lost her chance to get pregnant and&nbsp;have a child in&nbsp;this attempt. She has done a lot of preparation before&nbsp;the attempt, she has tried to keep her hopes and&nbsp;motivation and&nbsp;now&nbsp;she is heartbroken.<\/li>\n<li>She processes her feelings by talking about the situation and&nbsp;tries to find a reason for&nbsp;the failed attempt, she is in&nbsp;the need of a new plan so&nbsp;she can focus on&nbsp;her next steps towards her child. She needs to feel that&nbsp;her partner understands and&nbsp;make time to listen to her.<\/li>\n<li>The man is grieving\/ feeling sad because&nbsp;he has a woman that&nbsp;is not satisfied, every man wants a happy woman. He feels insufficient because&nbsp;he is not able to find a solution, he is not able to make his partner pregnant and&nbsp;cannot give her the child that&nbsp;she and&nbsp;he wish for.<\/li>\n<li>He processes his feelings by doing something active or&nbsp;changes his focus to something else. He thinks more rationally and&nbsp;in short time he will be ready for&nbsp;the next plan<\/li>\n<li>So&nbsp;as&nbsp;you can see, a woman is grieving over the child she \u2018lost\u2019 and&nbsp;the man is grieving over an unhappy woman and&nbsp;they find different ways of processing their emotions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The man will soon try to cheer up his woman but&nbsp;the woman needs time to process her feelings, at&nbsp;this stage the couple can start to argue. The man wants the woman to be motivated and&nbsp;rational (like himself), the woman wants to see that&nbsp;the man is grieving to show that&nbsp;this baby project is also important to him (like herself).<\/p>\n<p>It is very important that&nbsp;we respect our differences of being a man and&nbsp;a woman in&nbsp;such an emotional and&nbsp;important project. Respect your differences, don&#8217;t try to change your partner to become like you. Next time you argue ask yourselves \u2018do I try to change my partner to be more like me now\u2019?<\/p>\n<p>I want to show you how to accept each other, respect each other and&nbsp;not to try to change each other.<\/p>\n<p>Tone Br\u00e5ten<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As a counselor, I work a lot with couples. Couples that find themselves in a situation that they really didn&#8217;t expect to be in. Suddenly they need to make decisions that can disturb their values, their inner peace and the respect for each other.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":21559,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[118],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v18.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You trying to change each other? - O.L.G.A. 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